(Writer’s note: this post has been borrowed and updated from the Leaving Triscuit by Will Pollock blog.

The recent death of a French Bulldog puppy aboard a United flight caused me to think it was a good time to re-up this. If you enjoy this post, please consider buying/reviewing/sharingLeaving Triscuit” on Amazon.)

If only for one day, wouldn’t you love to hear the words straight from the dog’s mouth? We can at least imagine. If dogs could talk, they would say:

Keep me on a leash at all times. Keep me safe and secure, and let all other dogs feel that way, too. My freedom isn’t worth someone else’s frustration.

Bring me inside if I’m too quick to bark.

Bring me to dog parks and picnics and places where dogs are allowed, but only if I play nice with others. Teach me how to be just as happy when I have to be home alone.

Instill boundaries so I know the rules, but don’t be too harsh. I’m always learning just like you.

Don’t take me to scary places. Be my tireless champion when I’m in an unfamiliar environment—cars, buses and yes, especially airplanes.

Say “hello” to better good-byes: buy Leaving Triscuit by Will Pollock today

Don’t walk me with your nose buried in a smart phone. Pop out the earphones and enjoy the sounds of nature. You never know when our time together might have to end, so enjoy it. Be present and aware.

If I have problems with socializing, please don’t hold it against me. Take me to training classes so I’ll learn to do better.

If I have playmates whom I know and love, make sure I see them often.

If I offer kisses, take them.

If I try to steal a few extra sniffs on a walk, indulge me. I totally rock at smelling stuff.

Please explore methods for becoming an even better pet parent. Myriad books, coaches and classes can help both of us be better citizens of the planet.

The best puppy parents use biodegradable poop bags. Why? “Plastics are the fourth-highest generated waste in America; they originate from petroleum which is non-renewable. They do not biodegrade, and take thousands of years to break down.” Be gentle with me and the environment, which we want to preserve for generations to come.

If I wink at you at the Humane Society and you’re ready for the responsibility, adopt me and take me with you.

Thank you for giving me a good home.

Sorry for chewing the couch leg. I was scared.

I’m way smarter than you think.

Consider taking me to an obedience class because my mind wants to be engaged.

While we’re on-subject, training is a great way to exercise my mind, which I need just as much as running and playing.

The mailman is a bastard and I hate him with a passion but I love him so much and please make sure he comes back tomorrow.

An injustice with one animal is an injustice for all. If you see or hear something, speak up.

Most of all, be as clear as you can when you’re leaving for an extended period. Don’t be afraid to communicate, because I understand your words and feelings way more than you think. Include me in the packing process, and clue me in to when you’ll be back. Let me celebrate with you when you get home, because I’ve been eager to have a reunion.

All dog owners also are dog handlers. Please learn how to be a good citizen with me by your side.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for believing in my empathy and emotional intelligence. Now about those kisses… 🔵


Will Pollocksideways is an Atlanta-based freelance multimedia journalist focusing on pop-culture, politics, journalism & media, retail, real estate, travel, politics, and human interest.

He is the author of two books (Pizza for Good & Leaving Triscuit), with more on the way. Sign up for the mailing list, follow on TwitterFacebook and Instagram–and check out the book links below. Make sure to comment often–cranky loves company.

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One thought

  1. I specialize in dog behavior in my area here in Ohio and dog brain power can be improved with the constant exercises and training. Only thing required from dog owners is patience.


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