#RealTime Recap: Coultergeist vs. Dan Savage

I’ll be DVR-tweeting the show, as usual, starting tomorrow (Saturday) morning.

Brew some java and join me, won’t you? Quotes, snark and reax all right here.

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So it’s Sunday instead of Saturday—it’s still morning. Go get your coffee. Bill Maher quoted unless otherwise indicated.

Monologue
Bill comes out and immediately starts in, rightly, on the ridiculous photo of Trump and the taco bowl on Cinco de Mayo. Now that he’s the presumptive nominee…

“I got a lot of crap over the years for saying this is a stupid country. I should’ve trademarked it.”

Ben Carson was named head of the VP search committee, which is like asking the fox what strategies should be used to protect the hen house.

“We’re at a point in the campaign where crazy people are appointing each other to do jobs.”

On Paul Ryan not being “there yet” in endorsing trump: “When you believe in a talking snake, you can believe that an Orangoutang can transform in to a statesman.”

You can also believe that Jesus can take the wheel and drive better.

Sit-down Interview (Richard Taite, Founder & CEO of The Cliffside Malibu Treatment Center)

This guy may be from Malibu but he’s way too soft-spoken for this crew. He’s like Buzz Killington. But it’s still an important topic, especially with the reported loss of Prince to Opioid addiction.

“You can be black or white, rich or poor, straight or gay—this epidemic doesn’t discriminate,” Dr. Taite said.

“Prince was all of them, and he was on it.” Don’t know if they planned that exchange beforehand, but Bill’s response was spot-on. Bill added that Prince having them on his person in his home is a sure sign of trouble. “If the coffee table is too far away…”

Bill’s statistic was astonishing: the United States is 5 percent of global population, but uses 75 percent of prescription drugs. (link)

The Main Event (Coultergeist v. Savage… oh and that other guy, too)
Before we get started, someone check between Ann Coulter’s legs and prove she doesn’t have a penis.

The first byte was showing Coulter on an earlier program, correctly predicting that Donald Trump would be the GOP nominee. Joy Reid’s response is an instant classic.

(Writer’s note: someone please put Joy Reid’s reaction to an animated gif. Hang on, I see someone already has.)

Great way to start the panel, Bill. “Ann, you were totally right about something.”

In discussing the conservative thinker George Will’s reaction to the Trump as GOP nominee, Will said the country must vote him down.

That comment above nearly made me spit out my coffee. Well done, Coultergeist.

Writer’s note: I can’t take credit for “Coultergeist.” All credit to Keith Olbermann and Countdown. We need a new show from you, mister.

Ann Coulter’s glee over a Donald Trump candidacy clearly amuses her.

“This is not entertainment. this is supposed to be a country.”

Fuck. I love Dan Savage, but sometimes I’m reminded why I don’t associate with any party, nor any single ideological throughline. “If you’re born with enough money, you don’t have to learn anything about it.” I’ve heard Thom Hartmann make the same blanket-bullshit statements about people who come from money, and it’s simply dangerous. Plenty of people who have it or who’ve been born with money agree with your ideas. Don’t fuck it up. Next.

“There will be a trade war with China, so a dildo at Wal-Mart will be $200. But a small price to pay for Making America Great Again.” awesome line.

I’m hoping the Real Time staff posts the “In Memoriam” clip to YouTube because that shit was funny. The bit included this gem that I posted in this week’s edition of Cranky Yank.

 

Bryan Cranston joins the panel
It is pretty spooky how transformed Cranston looked in the role of L.B.J.

The panel starts in on North Carolina’s and Pat McCrory’s wretched “Bathroom Bills,” which is supposed to protect children. I covered HB2 in this week’s edition of CrankyYank.

The panel goes off the rails with a discussion about what Hillary should do against Trump in the general election.

New Rule Op-ed
“New Rule: This couple caught openly having sex on a subway platform have to hurry up and finish already. It’s frustrating enough wondering when the train is gonna come.”

 

 

That’s a wrap guys. We’ve got more exhausting guests next week, including Michael Moore. I’m on the fence if I’ll recap that one, but we’ll see.

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Will Pollock is an Atlanta-based freelance multimedia journalist and author of two books (Pizza for Good & Leaving Triscuit), with more on the way. Sign up for the mailing list, follow on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram—and check out the book links below.

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