(Writer’s note: during a week where news was breaking right and left, I was called to take care of my best baby girl Triscuit, who was under the weather. Hence my blog is late this week! Happy to report she’s doing better after two sleepless nights. Now… bring on the news.)
Banner animated-gif credit and h/t: JoeSteady on Reddit
— William Barr’s Jumpy Polygraph Test (@bywillpollock) January 26, 2018
Call it the popcorn-worthy pinnacle of counter-programming.
Next Tuesday Cletus gives his first State of the Union address. To me, this will be the saddest day of 45’s presidency* since his cartoonishly illegal behavior is many floors beneath the dignity of the podium he’ll take.
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) January 26, 2018
But there’s reason to hope. As the ultimate “get” interview Jimmy Kimmel has landed an exclusive sit-down (or lie down?) interview with Stormy Daniels, the porn ingenue-vixen who apparently hogged Donnie’s ham back in 2006—while Cletus was married to Melania, who’d just given birth to Barron. Whilst we’re on the subject, remind me again why Evangelicals still support him?
if we've learned anything the past 6 months it's that Evangelicals put politics before Jesus. pic.twitter.com/KHtLKBduOA
— William Barr’s Jumpy Polygraph Test (@bywillpollock) July 13, 2017
I will not watch Cheeto Shitbird’s State of the Orange speech where he’ll attempt to string sentences together. I will, however, tune in for Stormy and report back. Hell I might even live blog it. Watch this space.
I, for one, applaud Sen Johnson for exposing the FBI secret society. I believe it includes the Deep State, the illumanati, Knights of Columbus, New Kids on the Block, and Ted Cruz’s father.
Well done Senator. Well done. https://t.co/AHTiOuwY1O
— US Rep Brendan Boyle (@RepBrendanBoyle) January 25, 2018
Senator Ron Johnson (R.-Wis.) went full conspiracy-nutjob this week with his insistence that a joke between FBI agents was evidence of a conspiracy against the president*. This adorable thought-fart echoed around conservative media’s fever swamp, too. Desperate to find ways of publicly exonerating Donald, folks like Hannity and Johnson seized on this news like it was the next Hope Diamond.
a quip *so blatantly satire* it might as well have been written by @JohnCleese.
— William Barr’s Jumpy Polygraph Test (@bywillpollock) January 25, 2018
Problem is this: *any* reading of these text exchanges shows that they were plainly joking. In fact, it was pretty good satire.
So to honor Sen. Johnson’s newfound love of jokes, here are some others that might fool him:
“An obvious conspiracy between Barilla pasta and boiling water.” — Ron Johnson
“Clear connection between Deep State and The Wizard of Oz.” — Ron Johnson
“Plainly obvious conspiracy between the FBI and pedophiles.” — Ron Johnson
For more obviously awesome jokes please head over to my JokeBlogger page.
— AtlBizChron (@AtlBizChron) January 25, 2018
Atlanta has had its share of downers lately. The Falcons lost in the playoffs and Mercedes-Benz stadium’s roof was leaking—not to mention the totally botched security lines. But Atlanta also has had some recent huge news in real estate and business announcements that they’re worth collecting them here.
• Facebook—Zuckerberg’s too-big-to-succeed social media behemoth—has planned a huge data center in metro Atlanta
• Atlanta beat Seattle and Raleigh, N.C., in the bid for Peugeot’s new corporate HQ
• Rising in the spot formerly occupied by the Peachtree Pine homeless shelter is a forthcoming $50M mixed-use development
There are many other examples but those are the big ones lately. I’ll make this a regular series with new updates.
This one is a violent crime with an unusually happy ending. Two boys who cut school in Baltimore were looking for cars to steal—and they happened upon 80-year-old Rochelle “Rikki” Spector. They punched her in the face and knocked her against a concrete pillar before stealing the car. The Baltimore Sun picks it up from here:
Instead of seeking vengeance, Spector quietly decided to become the boys’ advocate.
She and a team of nonprofit workers, mentors, cooks and coaches (a group Spector has dubbed the ‘Good Samaritans’) have been working with the boys for months—during and after their time on house arrest—and say their grades, school attendance and attitude have shown marked improvements.
I love stories that have unusually happy endings. If only our criminal justice system was this focused on rehabilitation. 🔵
That’s a wrap guys. We’ll see you right back here next week at 2 p.m., and I’ll pop in with single posts based on breaking news.
He is the author of two books (Pizza for Good & Leaving Triscuit), with more on the way. Sign up for the mailing list, follow on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram–and check out the book links below. Make sure to comment often–cranky loves company.
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